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You are sad because you lost forever something valuable. You are suffering
and seek help and comfort.
Forms of Sadness
The English language includes many words that refer to various forms of
sadness. These include: blue, dejected, disappointed, discouraged, distressed, displeased, dissatisfied, distraught,
feeling bad, feeling uncomfortable, grief, homesick, lonely, lovesick,
miserable, regret, sad, shock, uneasy, unhappy, upset and sorrowful.
Agony is an active attempt to protest, prevent, or mitigate the loss.
Definitions
- An irrevocable loss
- A specific undesirable outcome has occurred
- displeased by the appraisal of an event
- Impending loss
Many different types of losses can lead to sadness. These include material
possessions, health, companionship, affection, status, safety,
Many emotions are related to sadness. If you blame someone for you loss you
feel anger. If you have lost status or blame yourself
for the loss you feel shame. If you feel you have lost
affection to another person you feel jealousy, if you
have lost safety or security you feel fear or anxiety. Loss of
hope can lead to depression.
Types of Loss
A wide variety of losses can trigger sadness. These include loss of status,
hope, trust, health, life, companionship, or of something material or
sentimental. The death of a child or other loved one often causes the most
intense sadness. If you blame someone for your loss, you are likely to be
angry. Consider these questions to better understand
your sadness and cope with it:
- What have I lost? It the loss real?
- What is it's value to me? Why do I perceive this as important?
- Was this my loss or was it someone else's? What are their views regarding
this loss? How do you know? Why do you care?
- Do I feel insulted? Why? Has my ego been attacked? Have I lost some dignity?
Was I ridiculed or humiliated? Has my reputation been damaged? Do I feel less competent? Was
I denied fair recognition or reward? Is the insult groundless or is it an
accurate interpretation of my behavior?
- Do I feel powerless? Have I lost autonomy? Do I feel cheated? Was I taken
for a sucker? Was a trust betrayed? Was privacy breached?
- Was I coerced into submission or obedience?
- Have I been threatened, injured, struck, abused, attacked, or intimidated?
- Has anyone trespassed on my territory?
- Have my goals been thwarted? Have my freedoms been abridged? Is my safety
or security reduced? Is my legacy diminished?
- Have I lost power? Have I lost
status? Have I lost strength? Have I lost
influence? Have I lost access? Has a relationship been damaged?
- From a rational point of view, how big is this loss? What impact will it
have? How can I recover? Can I just ignore the issue?
Sadness and Depression
Sadness is an emotion, it lasts for minutes, or hours or perhaps as long as a
few days. Depression is a mood, it lasts for days,
week, months, and sometimes years. You can be in a sad mood lasting several
days, often called a "blue mood" or "feeling blue".
Grieving and Sadness
Grieving is the struggle to prevent the loss. It is our way of coping with
loss and it may involve anger, anxiety,
hope, or guilt. Once the protest
and denial is over and the loss is accepted as irrevocable, then grief can turn
into sadness and be resolved. Our focus shifts from the past to the future
during bereavement.
Paths of Sadness
Events that can trigger our sadness are common occurrences. How we
respond to these losses and the choices we make affect our peace of mind, well
being, and our lives. The following figure illustrates choices we have and
paths we can take to either prolong or resolve our sadness. Use this like your
would any other map: 1) decide where you are now, 2) decide where you want to
go, 3) choose the best path to get there, and 4) go down the chosen path.
This diagram is an example of a type of chart known by systems
analysts as a "state transition diagram". Each colored elliptical bubble represents a
"state of being" that represents the way you are now. The labels on the arrows
represent actions or events and the arrows show paths into or out of each state. You
are at one place on this chart for one particular interaction at any particular
time. Other people are likely to be in other places on the chart. This is
similar to an ordinary road map where you plot where you are now, while other
people are at other places on the same map. Begin the analysis at the green "OK"
bubble, or wherever else you believe you are now.
OK: This is the beginning or neutral state. It corresponds to someone
who is feeling well.
The green color represents safety, tranquility, equanimity, and growth
potential.
Irrevocable loss: You recognize you have lost something valuable and
that it is gone forever. You are sad.
Sad: You recognize an irrevocable loss. Perhaps you are crying or
tearful. The yellow color represents the loss and pain.
Loss Accepted: When you can turn your thoughts to the future and leave
the past behind, you have accepted the loss and can get on with your life.
Loss Denied: Protesting, denying, bargaining, and reliving the past
all serve to deny the loss. You are living in the past and not ready to accept
the loss. Grieving will continue.
Grieving: Grieving is the struggle to prevent the loss. It is our way
of coping with loss and it may involve anger, anxiety,
anguish,
hope, or guilt. Once the protest
and denial is over and the loss is accepted as irrevocable, then grief can turn
into sadness and be resolved. Our focus shifts from the past to the future
during bereavement. The orange color represents the agony, pain, duration,
turmoil, and loss of the grieving period.
Loss Accepted, Future focus: You have decided it is time to get over it, accept the
loss, and get on with your life.
Trouble Recognized: You become aware that you can lose something you
value. You are worried and dread the possible loss.
Dread: You feel bad because you understand you may lose something.
Depending on what it is you stand to lose, you may feel anxious, fear, anger,
shame, guilt, envy, or jealousy. The yellow color represents the loss, anxiety,
and uncertainty of the time.
Positive Outlook: Although you recognize a bad outcome is possible,
you predict a favorable outcome and maintain hope.
Hope: You believe with all the depths of your
being that things will get better. You have hope; and you are doing things to
improve your future. You are fearing the worst but expecting the best. Hope is
the antidote to the hopelessness of despair. The
green color represents the positive outlook, while the yellow color represents
the uncertainty and possible bad outcome.
Negative Outlook: You predict the worst, and you have lost hope. You
become depressed.
Depression: You have lost hope, the
future looks bleak, you are depressed and feel hopeless. The red color
represents the prolonged pain of the depression.
Good Outcome: Regardless if you were dreading, hoping, or depressed,
you were spared your worst fears and the actual outcome is good. You are
relieved.
Relieved: The frustration has changed for the
better, and you learn that what you dreaded will not happen, you feel relief.
Everything is now much better, you relax and feel a sigh of relief. The green
color represents the good outcome and buoyancy of the relief.
Time Passes: The sensation of relief is rather brief. Soon you are
back to your ordinary self, looking toward the future.
Bad Outcome: Your fears have come true. Regardless if you were
dreading, hoping, or depressed, the actual outcome is bad, and now you are sad.
Physiological Responses
- Tears and crying,
Nonverbal Expressions
Expressions of sadness request the assistance and comfort of others.
- The inner corners of the eyebrows are angled upwards or the brow is
wrinkled.
- The mouth is in a frown or wide open with the edges curled down.
- Cheeks are raised
- The area between the lower lip and chin is wrinkled
- The upper eyelids are drooping
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References
[laz]
Passion and Reason: Making Sense of Our Emotions by Richard S.
Lazarus, Bernice N. Lazarus
[Ekm]
Emotions Revealed : Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve
Communication and Emotional Life by Paul Ekman
[OCC]
The
Cognitive Structure of Emotions by Andrew Ortony, Gerald L.
Clore, Allan Collins
[Gol]
Destructive Emotions : A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama
by Daniel Goleman
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