Definitions:

1. Hostile Inaction,
2. Covert violence,
3. Covert defiance,
4. Stealth spite,
5. Seeking revenge by refusing to act.

Modes and Techniques

• Grin fake: Saying "yes" and smiling pleasantly while meaning "no way".
• Denying hostility; "who me?"
• Exploiting plausible deniability; "I never would have done that"
• Looking good while doing bad.
• Delay.
• Stonewalling; stalling or delaying especially by refusing to answer questions or cooperate.
• Manipulation; controlling people without letting them know you are doing so.
• Passive withdrawal, lack of response, lack of cooperation, sabotage, covert revenge.
• Suffering in silence . . . while fueling resentment, justifying retaliation, and expecting to gain leverage, pity, or salvation for your suffering.
• Playing the victim, feigning powerlessness, pretending you don't have any choices, denying your responsibility.
• Playing the martyr—publicly selecting (or acquiescing to) an undesirable alternative for the purpose of justifying revenge or extracting pity.
• Talking about you advisory while never talking to him about the troubling behavior.

Fueling the Fire

A particularly destructive cycle happens when a passive aggressive response is used in a relationship with an overtly hostile or violent adversary. The overtly hostile person is provoked into performing a particularly violent anger display. This is then used to justify the passive aggressive response: "I'll show him and I refuse to become violent like he is". This hostile inaction fuels the rage of the overly hostile partner and the cycle continues or escalates. End the cycle by working together to travel down a constructive anger path.

Defenses:

This manipulation is difficult to defend against; the practitioners are often experts and they may not even realize how destructive their actions are. Perhaps the best approach is to simply say: "I find your behavior to be passive aggressive and I would like you to take a more constructive and less hostile approach. What are you angry about?" Be prepared for denial, retribution, and more passive aggressive manipulations. Work together to travel down a constructive anger path.

References: