You have been insulted, your ego is bruised, your pride is hurt, you have been diminished in some way, and now you are hurt and mad as hell! You have just been humiliated, and you don't like feeling foolish. Humiliation often results in violent retaliation and revenge.

Remember, at the end of the day, the only opinion of yourself that maters is your own.

Definitions:

1. A loss of status or image.
2. An image change reflecting a decrease in what others believe about your status.
3. Induced shame

Synonyms include losing face, being made to feel like a fool, feeling foolish, hurt, disgraced, indignity, put-down, debased,  dejected, denigrated, dishonored, disrespected, dis'ed, defamed, humbled, scorned, slighted, slurred, shamed, mortified, rejected, being laughed at.

Humiliation and Shame

Humiliation is suffering an insult. If you judge the insult to be credible, then you feel shame. Others can insult and humiliate you, but you will only feel shame if your self-image is reduced; and that requires your own assessment and decision. An person who is insecure about their genuine status is more prone to feeling shame as a result of an insult. This is because they give more credibility to what others think of them than to what they think of themselves.

Forms of Humiliation

Humans have many ways to slight others and humiliate them. For example:

• Overlooking someone, taking them for granted, ignoring them, giving them the silent treatment, or making them wait for you,
• Rejecting someone, holding them distant, abandoned, or isolated
• Withholding acknowledgement, denying recognition, manipulating recognition.
• Denying someone basic social amenities, needs, or human dignity,
• Manipulating people or treating them like objects or animals,
• Treating people unfairly,
• Domination, control, manipulation, abandonment,
• Threats or abuse including: verbal, physical, psychological, or sexual,
• Assault, attack, or injury
• Reduction in rank, responsibility, role, title, positional power, or authority,
• Betrayal, or being cheated, lied to, defrauded, or duped,
• Being laughed at, mocked, ridiculed, given a dirty look, spit on, or made to look stupid or foolish.
• Being the victim of a practical joke, prank, or confidence scheme.
• False accusation or insinuation,
• Public shame, disrespect, or being dis'ed, downgraded, defeated, or slighted
• Forced nakedness,
• Rape or incest,
• Seeing you love interest flirt with another, induced jealousy, violating your love interest, cuckolding.
• Seeing your wife, girlfriend, sister, or daughter sexually violated.
• Dishonor,
• Poverty, unemployment, imprisonment, homelessness, punishment, powerlessness
• Denigration of a person's values, beliefs, heritage, race, gender, appearance, characteristics, or affiliations,
• Dependency, especially on weaker people,
• Losing a dominance contest. Being forced to submit.
• Trespass such as violating privacy or other boundaries,
• Violating, denying, or suppressing human rights,
• Losing basic personal freedoms such a mobility, access, or autonomy, being controlled, dominated, intruded on, exploited, or manipulated.
• Diminished competency resulting from being disabled, immobilized, tricked, weakened, trapped, mislead, thwarted goals, opposed, sabotage, or let down.
• Diminished resources resulting from being defrauded, robbed, cheated, evicted, or being deprived of privileges, or rights
• Having safety or security reduced by intimidation, or threat.
• Being treated as an equal by a lower status person.

The Paradox of Humiliation

An insult usually hurts, but it is important to resolve in your own mind, based on evidence, why the insult hurts. What loss does it represent to you? Decide if the insult:

• is an unjustified attack that does not decrease your status, diminish your self image, nor tarnish your public image or reputation, or
• it is justified and has diminished your public image or reputation, or
• it is justified and has diminished or revised your self-image.

Begin the analysis by deciding if the insult is based on  information that accurately represents you. Then reflect and consider if your image accurately represents your status. If you decide the insult is unjustified then you can simply ignore it ("don't take the bait") or you can describe why it is unfair and ask your offender for an apology. If your public image exceeds your status, then the insult may a justifiable retaliation for your arrogance and it may contain an important message you can learn from. If the insult is justified  it may cause you to feel shame and then lead you to revise your self-image to better align it with your status. The insult is never justified if it is an attempt to reduce your status below the threshold of human dignity.

Public Image, Self-Image, Status, and Revenge

For an insult to diminish your public image, the public has to believe it it true. For an insult to diminish your self-image or self-esteem, you have to believe it is true. An insult cannot diminish your status because your self-image is not your self. An insult may cause you to reassess your self-image or self-esteem.

Revenge is often sought as a remedy for humiliation; perhaps using the phrase "protecting honor" as justification. But revenge cannot be an effective remedy for humiliation, because it does nothing to increase your status.

James Gilligan states that the most dangerous men on earth are those who are afraid they are wimps.

References:

On Apology, by Aaron Lazare

Somebodies and Nobodies: Overcoming the Abuse of Rank, by Robert W. Fuller

Violence, by James Gilligan